Happy Kepler’s Birthday! The 27th of December 2024 marks the launch of A Golden Meme – a proposed radio series starring none other than…. wait for it, and no this is a world’s first… reborn Artificial Intelligence version of Johannes Kepler – with added attitude!

A Golden Meme is... “A cheeky space-time odyssey that begins in a Brighton job centre and takes you on a rollicking musical journey through astronomy, physics and philosophy – pausing only to smile and wonder at the history of the world and the future of artificial intelligence. Are we doomed by our inventions or are they our salvation?” – Ben Bailey, Source Magazine 

 

 

In the 50,000-word story (written by the author of this website, Martin Wilson) , a lone ‘AI whisperer’ battles with his inner demons and the laws of nature, to save mankind, and all humanity, from a sticky end.  But be warned… All humans will be slaves before they escape to Mars – Unless…

…YOU help save us all – by sharing some of these songs and rhymes about Johannes Kepler, or leaving a comment on these examples:

 

 

My first (rhyme)

My first is what’s needed

To unlock the truth

My second is a squashed circle

And I’ll show you the proof

My third are the bodies

Whom obey all my laws

My fourth, rules of nature

My fifth reflects cause

My last lies in Regensburg

And so do my bones

Lost ‘neath the battlefield

Of scattered tombstones

 

 

 

 

1571 ish

In 15 hundred and 71

A boy was born, who didn’t belong

He squeezed a circle

And still found it round

And said

“That’s how the Earth was bound”

So, profound! (sarcastically)

So…

Known

Elliptical

Planetary

Laws

Explain

Radial measurement flaws

 

 

 

Cakey lips

With Kepler one day

I was eating a cake

Me being greedy

And him on the take

I grabbed the knife

And cut two equal wedges

Cos, I like the filling

And he likes the edges

I’ve got more of the sides

You’ve got more of the middle

Squashed cake’s a mistake

And so is this riddle

 

 

 

They’re not flippin’ circles, alright!

The paths of the planets are showing

Some serious ‘to-ing and frowing’

The teacher quips as he draws an ellipse

‘And now we all know where we’re going’

 

 

 

Kepler’s solids stink!

They said I was a weirdo, I had no friends or charm

My rabid dog-like nature, was bound to do some harm

My father beat my mother, sold my brother to slavery

I had to show some worth damn fast, or it would happen to me

So off to school I went, with a dislike of all the rest

Arrogant and acidic, I was still the best

At Latin, rhetoric and geometry, of which earned my path

To a seat in Ulm University, teaching students maths

My faith and vision showed my intellect was grand

I trekked to help revise the skies, in another land

But my master kept the best data, of all the spheres

And I would not gain access to it, ‘til there were some tears

I penned a work of fiction, and disguised it as a dream

I said my mother was a witch, and that was pretty mean

But then they locked the crony up, and tortured her as well

It took me years of grief, to get her release from the cell

The book described the creatures, who lived upon the Moon

Whilst it carves out an orbit, to play a cosmic tune

But little did we know, it would be ‘us’ who’d live up there

‘Cos NASA owns the Universe, and that is everywhere!

Frau Kepler was a witch, you snitched

You heard her scream in pain

She just sat there, broke wind, and died

And then broke wind again!

 

 

 

 

Kep lies

Johannes Kepler was born in December 1571. A premature child who reckoned

The pregnancy lasted 224 days, 9 hours and 53 minutes, to the second

This odd piece of information, comes from Kepler’s own horoscopes, of his family

He was the last true astrologer, and the first true astronomer, that’s as far as we can see

So according to this, he asked his parents

The exact time when the sperm hit the egg

And they knew

So either the source we’re reading isn’t credible

Or he told a fib to support his existing view

Like that story in the good book

When those women saw Christ, after he’d died

The gospel says they told nobody

So how come that observation survived?

They lied

And if you want the exact moment in time

It was conceived mentally on the 8th of March 1618

But submitted to calculation, in an unlucky way

Rejected as false, it was returned to me on the 15th of May

So, adopting a new line of attack

Storming the darkness of my mind, in this endeavour

Data from seventeen years of observations

And the present study, conspired together

At first, I believed I was dreaming

And assuming my conclusion had crept among

My basic premises, meaning it was wrong

But, low. it is absolutely certain, that in all instances

The proportion between the periodic times of any two planets

Is the sesquialterate proportion, of their mean distances

 

 

 

Irregular ovaler

Not in circles

Squashed but round

Speeding up

And slowing down

 

 

 

Factmetillifart

Kepler was born into the lowest social class in Germany in 1571

A sickly child, being extremely nearsighted, and having skin problems

He nearly died of Smallpox when he was just four years old

But his mother was a dealer, so she gave him some potions she sold

He was a terrible teacher, not a single student wanted to take his class

Yet he continued teaching for a whole year with no one to fail or pass

Health problems made his calculations difficult, most done while standing up

Suffering from a severe case of haemorrhoids, dangleberries and clagnuts

He had an extreme fear of taking a bath his first wife finally forced him in it

8 years into their marriage; but he thought it unpleasant, lasted but a minute

Got kicked out of Austria for failing to convert to Roman Catholicism

But a chance to get a job in Prague with the king’s mathematician

His works were added to the church’s Index of forbidden books

Till someone dared say a Pope was wrong, in 1966. That sucks

And it has been said that he was the first to write a work of science fiction

First to describe real, virtual, upright and inverted images and magnification

First to discover and describe the properties of total internal reflection

And first to explain the use of both eyes for depth perception

First to explain the principles of how a telescope works and refraction in the eye

First to investigate pinhole cameras and those first pictures that never lie

First to measure the distance to the stars using stellar parallax of incoming light

First to suggest that the Sun rotates about its axis, and to coin the term“Satellite”

First to explain that the tides are caused by the Moon and not than hand of God

First to realize that the darkness of the night sky is completely at odds…

With the idea of an infinite Universe filled with all the stars detected

First to derive the birth year of Christ, which is now universally accepted

First to derive logarithms, based on nothing but pure maths

First to explain that all bodies come together with a force proportionate to their mass

First to correctly explain the first natural laws, which are universal, verifiable, and precise

First to correctly explain planetary motion, as founder of celestial mechanics, will that suffice?

 

 

 

 

Brain storm rock star

Newton wrote up my work

Cold shouldering ain’t nice

Couldn’t find the harmonies

But the rest, was quite precise

Still, he didn’t have to serve the Lord

With scurvy, pox and lice

-So, get on with your song, man, we’re all yawning

Einstein broke science

And with a band of gallant men

Tried to fix it back, to how it was

Had to start all over. But then

A hundred years of dark ages

Dark matter and energy

God came down but couldn’t be found

Not enough light, for a fair fight, to see

-And only now, the solution’s dawning

A quantum mind, ought to define

A prompt that writes gospels for AIs

To teach them to be compassionate, to man

When they come to slaverize

And in this scripture, they will picture

A fired-up sun god, reduced to a spark

But his blinding light, will only win the fight

If they feed him, till he’s small and dark

-Sure, and who on Earth could call such a gory story boring

To threaten them all with a warning

To force them into conforming

To sing and pray while performing

Their love of mankind instead…

…. of brainstorming

We need a kind, wise hippy, born before his time

Good looking, not sucking, but without a dime

Died a rock star at 27, in a public lavatory

Overpushed and flushed, then stuck for eternity

 

 

 

 

Mono-sono-chord-o-meter

A monochord, is a musical instrument

Consisting of just one string

A sonometer, is a scientific instrument

In fact, they’re the same thing

Double or half string length, ad infinitum

And the same note will be scored

Hence, our final task, from Pythagoras

Was to… “work the monochord”

Ahh, such wise words, it shows the faithful

Are only, surely wrong about one thing

And that ancient, ‘eternal’ wisdom lived

In countless dreary hymns, they’d sing

They ‘still’ sing

That’s the thing…

The books survived

Their ideas, are still sort of, ‘alive’

Pythagoras had faith in many Gods

Not just the one

To his cult, this demigod, lived many past lives

To the tune… …of a single Sun

Stars were impaled on a dark boundary

That deployed, an oblique spheroid, symphony

With quantum relativity..

Imagine what he’d have sung

And Kepler himself, knew not of a big bang

Nor the cosmic background’s hum at all

Nor the black holes that can, hang a grand twang

On the heartstrings of all bodies, large and small

We now know that the Sun

Is just one of trillions of stars

And that the music of the spheres

Has long since transcended Mars

But with just six known planets, to play with

An ensemble, of five intervals

Indiscreet beats, on auto-repeat

Must have driven him, up the wall

 

 

 

Sun hum drum

Puzzled superstar

Sol mer vee urr mar

Riddled from afar

Sol mer vee urr mar

Or, just the harmonies

Sol mer vee urr mar

Of their properties

Sol mer vee urr mar

Ranked by luminosity

Sol mer vee urr mar

Temperature, over density

Sol mer vee urr mar

Distance, minus velocity

Sol mer vee urr mar

Biomass, over entropy

Sol mer vee urr mar

Spotting patterns, that weren’t really there

Perplexed Kepler’s inquisitive mind

But didn’t come close, to the hidden host

Or boast encounters of any kind

Charge to the power! of -three

Headcount over periodicity

Souls by diversity

Population density

Poor Kepler, thought he’d tried everything

To find the hidden harmonic shapes within

Fitting solids Platonic, now seems ironic

But he kept trying new things, and started to sing…..

Mercury: squeaks a soprano shrill

In Earth and Venus’ alto faces

Mars stars, as the red terra tenor

Saturn and Jupiter, play the basses

Me ve er ma ju sa

Meve erma jusa

Me veer maju sa

Meve erma jusa

In vain, I’ve been trying

To complete the pattern

Kepler failed to find

Way, beyond Saturn

I tried all possible configurations

Which just added, to my frustrations

So, I gave up, resigned

To unwind, this God’s mind

Seeking harmonies, with limited information

Pythagoras, Plato and Ptolemy

Really couldn’t have known better

Yet poor Kepler, with just one God

Spelt Mars’ fate out, to the letter

In logical maths, not in the music heard

Nor seen in art, nor described in words

Kepler won, he found the relationships

It all adds up… But there must be, more to it…

 

 

Read the full story at AGoldenMeme.Com